Parenting is a 24-7 job, in good times and especially bad

Ten or 15 years ago, when my kids were much younger, I had a conversation with a co-worker that went like this:

Her: "My 5-year-old had a friend over for a sleepover last weekend, and his mother got upset when she found out they'd watched 'Star Wars' on video. Can you believe that?"

Me: "Er. Wow. Really?"

But all I could think was, "I wouldn't want my 5-year-old seeing 'Star Wars,' either. Isn't there one scene where Luke Skywalker discovers that his aunt and uncle have been killed by Stormtroopers and finds a body outside his house smoldering like a Vietnamese monk?"

It was at that precise moment that I had a realization: Every parent thinks that every other parent raises his kids wrong. I thought my co-worker was wrong. She thought the other mother was wrong. I'm sure if I ever met the other mother, she would have found something wrong with me. (And I bet someone reading this is right now clucking and saying, "Five-years-old for a sleepover? Way too young.")

We usually keep these opinions to ourselves, sharing them only with our spouse on the car ride home - "Can you believe that?" - while smug in the knowledge that at least we have it right, that at least our family is a tiny bulwark against the collapse of society as we know it.

We don't confront other parents because, really, what business is it of ours? Also, I think there's a bit of a glass-house element, too, as in "If you clean your walls with Windex, don't throw stones."

Obviously, I violated that maxim Wednesday with my column criticizing the parents who complained about excessive iPad charges and potty-training strictures. While most of the reader reaction I've received has been of the "bravo" variety, there's also been plenty of "How dare you, sir?"

To clarify: I don't doubt that these game companies were trying to rip off parents. They rightly assumed we had reached the point where we don't oversee what our kids do. I don't believe that kids should play only with cornhusk dolls. (I've met some parents like that. Boy are they weird.) But I do think that this is a nice reminder that avarice and trickery are everywhere and that sometimes when we're fooled we have no one to blame but ourselves.

For that is what really bothered me with both the toilet training and the app-buying stories: that parents seemed to be saying, "This is someone else's fault."

I'm as liberal as they come, but I think that each of us bears responsibility for the things we do.

That's especially true when we're parents, an extremely tough job that isn't made any easier when we try to pass the buck with its most unpleasant aspects.

It's the reason I never liked those candy-free aisles in supermarket checkout lanes, the ones that grocery stores put in after demands from parents.

If you're the sort of parent who can't get your kid not to grab at the M&Ms while you load up the conveyor belt with that week's shopping, how are you going to help him navigate more-dangerous temptations?

Here's a prediction: I guarantee you that sometime in the next five years, an American parent will sue an amusement park because it didn't let Junior onto the roller coaster. Oh, Mom and Dad will know that the sign says "You must be this tall to ride the Whipsnake," but they will still file suit.

"It is not our fault that our child isn't tall enough yet," they will argue. "It's yours that you have such restrictive, er, restrictions."

Outdoor antics

From my study at home, I can look into the back yard and watch the fauna cavort. The other afternoon, I was amazed to see a rabbit leap from the roof of our shed onto the branch of a nearby tree and then drop onto a bird feeder. Wow, I thought - that's one gymnastic rabbit.

Then I looked closer. It was a squirrel without a tail. I don't know if it was tail-less as a result of an accident or because of a congenital birth defect, but the condition hadn't slowed it down at all.

I threw a snowball at it. It was a merely temporary attempt to make it leave some seed for the birds.

'Corner' shot

Can the reader who e-mailed me a while back about the Elliot Liebow book "Tally's Corner" please e-mail me again? I've lost your address. Thanks.

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